It is funny how relationships and change especially when you pray on it to end. I realize that I completely lose myself when I am in a relationship. Each time I was in a relationship, I felt a bit of myself die…Read More
Hello, all my Divas and gurus! I am happy to be doing a review for all of you today. The lovely folks at Tenth Street Hats sent over a goodie for your girl. Tenth Street hats began with Jack Dorfman and Arthur Hyman in 1921 and remains a family run business. Today, they have factories all over the world and creating some quality hats!Read More
Hello, all my Divas and gurus! I am in my final weeks of pregnancy. This entire journey of leaving my marriage, trying to pay for the cost of divorce (that is a post on itself), finding someone new, getting pregnant, making a decision to leave a relationship and deciding to co-parent, losing my father to cancer, going back to therapy, disconnecting from toxic people in my life, and finally to get back to myself despite other thinking they can read me but know nothing about me. ...Read More
Hello all my fashion divas and gurus! I am finally getting back to . Heavy on Fashion. Today I am bringing you an exclusive interiew with Founder & Designer of HerFineBASICS™, Elisha Carter. We all are looking for a solution to the rising dress issue. Elisha decided to solve everyone’s problem when it comes to the drama of a rising dress. Here is Heavy on Fashion talks to Founder & Designer of HerFineBASICS™, ELisha Carter.Read More
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~E.E. Cummings
I am 34 years old and I have never been fully honest with who I am. The truth of the matter is, I do not trust other with my true self. My family never fully knew me. My ex-husband never fully knew me. I would maybe 2 people in this world fully know who I am. My keep myself tightly wrapped inside me and I peek and explore it in the break of dawn and throughout the silent moment of the day. I learned to be my own PR agent since I was 12 years old.
The world will make fun of anyone when they are fully exposed. To fully expose myself, in my opinion, would be emotional suicide. It's like a turtle without its shell or a porcupine without their quills. My faux persona used to keeps my sanity in tack until recently. I had a total breakdown. Until the reality hit that my life is about to change in a few months. The need to exposed and release my true self is approaching.
After leaving my soon to be ex-husband (that will be in another blog post), I met someone that I felt I could finally let loose and be myself for. The truth is I did confide in him but never fully. I was able to confide enough in him to see my own personal issues. I was able to talk to him in ways that I didn't think was possible unless I was laying down on a couch in a therapist. Though, my idea of love was pure emotional freedom. Unfortunately, love was not there. Well not the love that I wanted. A harsh lesson that I had to learn. Sometimes love comes in different forms and ways. I wanted that fake romantic love and that was something that I could not and still can not handle. The wonderful thing about this is that something beautiful came from it, a baby boy. That I am internally grateful to him for that. We are planning to co parent and remain friends. The romantic aspect of the relationship is dead. Though I was sad about my planned fantasy world imploding. Actually acting like a kid about the whole damn thing. The realization that this romantic relationship had to come to pass. Which strangely is a weight lifted off of me. After having a intense but freeing discussion about it, I literally woke up lighter and happier. I was never fully me in this or any relationship I was in. I hide myself to be what every man wanted me to be. It was killing me inside.
I am also happy that he is making a move that should have been made a long time ago. I am finally making a leap to be on my own and discover or rediscover myself again. Thank you, young wise man. You changed my life. I don't think I would have had the courage to grow up. I am finally bursting out of my bubble, and see the world for what it really is. Finally, I am letting the world see me. In order for me to be the best me for my new future that lays ahead, I need to find and be myself. So, like E.E. Cummings said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." For the first time in 34 years, I am finding the voice, that I lost so many decades ago.
This whole thing kinda reminds me of the Wizard of OZ. I didn't know I had the power to great things until I was told so. I just He was my glinda the good witch. Huh, not sure how he will feel about that..lol. It was time for me to click my heels and find my own home. That is now my next move. Find a home for me and my baby boy. Making sure my son, Noah Lee is a happy, creative, confident and loved. My baby is my first priority. Finding my own tribe and my own place in this world is my second priority. Showing my talents, quirks, weirdness, and “magical” wonders is my third priority. I am finally happy and excited about what is to come for me and my buddle of joy.
Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong.
-N. R. Narayana Murthy
Song Suggestion- Monica - So Gone
Hello, all my divas and gurus! I am currently starting back with Heavy on Fashion. To be honest, I need some help Heavy on Fashion projects running including the Heavy on Fashion Podcast, The Heavy on Fashion Youtube page, and a few other art/comic projects that I am happy to collaborate on. So, if you would like to be a part of the new and improve Heavy on Fashion, just buy me some Kofi.
Kofi is a tip jar for many creatives out there. I have set up a Kofi account to finally get all the projects that were taking space in my head out to all of you. Today, I've set a new goal ($1000) to get some podcasting equipment, keeping the domain/site alive, and to start a graphic tee shirt line.
I will talk about my future projects on a live sessionmore on my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/HeavyonFashion/ on Friday Morning - October 19th and on Instastories on Saturday October 20th.
Hello, all my divas and gurus! I just wanted to say thank you for being super patient with me regarding Heavy on Fashion and Milan Malan Word on the Street. The past few years, I haven't been constant with my writing, goals, or my obligations. Truth is, I haven't been in a good space for quite some time. Though everything came to light in October 2017 with my soon-to-be ex-husband affairs being revealed. My mental and physical health has been fluctuating at an unhealthy rate for almost four years. I turned off my instincts and turned on my ego in 2014, Instinctively, I knew that my soon-to-be ex-husband was a manipulative narcissistic liar. My ego would not allow me to face the facts that I got played. It has made me doubt myself at every turn. I doubt things that instinctively I should never second guess.
So today, my weekly wisdom is about some cold hard facts I needed to face, address, and even embrace about me.Read More
So I am going to start a new practice on Heavy on Fashion that brings elements of my first blog - Milan Malan Word on the Street. So here is my #thursdaytunes
Hello, all my fashion divas and gurus! I am so sorry it has been a while. To be honest, I am going through many changes in my life both professionally and personally. Personally, I am currently going through a divorce. Divorce is not easy...Read More
Hello, all my fashion divas and gurus! I am happy to introduce to C.E.O Sylvia Russell of PUCKER'D Cosmetic. Sylvia Russell has been working in entertainment and with celebrities for over 25 years. She was the key makeup artist for the Tampa Bay cheerleaders and worked on various celebrities, ranging from Hulk Hogan and family to foodie Adam Richman and HSN show hosts. Russell has been a beauty and lifestyle expert host for 10 years in Tampa at WFLA, Channel 8 @ The Daytime Show and Channel 10 @studio10. She has also worked for NBC Dateline, TLC Network, The Travel Channel and has been an educator in the classroom for top beauty companies, as well as owned and managed salon startups. Russell founded the business in August 2017 in St. Petersburg Florida and is a proud mother of 3.Read More